Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Lovely "this is more painful than broken" Bones.

First of all, let me say thank you for reading this blog. Ash and I don't really do a whole lot or have many hobbies. When someone asks us, "So what do you guys like to do?" about the only response we can find is "Watch movies." Having a lot of conversations like that is probably the reason why we don't have too many friends.

But seriously though, we love movies. I love going into a dark theater, leaving reality for a while, and watching a flick with Ash-face. I even enjoy the bad ones. For some reason I love hating bad movies. It's kind of like watching the Lakers. I really hate the Lakers, but for some reason I love to watch them lose.

So I've decided to start things off with the movie "The Lovely Bones." Before I start, I want to warn everyone that I will say a lot of things that sound like I'm trying to be funny or exaggerating. I PROMISE to all you readers (I think that's only Lacey and Darren thus far) that the things I'm about to say are true. The movie really was THAT bad. It was a joke. It was comical. I found myself looking at Ash time and time again as if to say "Is this for real? Are we on hidden camera right now?"

So the movie actually started off great. Whoever was in charge of making the movie like it was in the 80's deserves a raise. It seems like a lot of movies try to imitate what the 80's were really like, but there is something about the way they do it that constantly reminds you that it's still 2010 imitating 1985. The clothes were legit and so were the homes and decor.

It started off with great character development. In my opinion (not Ash's), Mark Walberg and the lady actress did a great job of being good parents that you want to like. They were just good people being parents.

They have a daughter name Susie. The story is about her and how she's murdered, and how her father does all in his power to find the murderer with the help of Susie in Limbo. The scene where she is killed had me sitting up at the very edge of my seat, and even standing up at times. The murderer is played by the gay guy in Devil Wears Prada. He is also the wife of Meryls Streep in Julie and Julia. I like him. He was beyond "icky" as my wife would say. The murder scene happened on a cold winter day in a cornfield. The guy had built a secret room underground in the cornfield where it all happened. I don't want to give it away, but this was definitely the best point of the movie.

After this, the movie tanked. This is where I was sure I was in a hidden camera show and someone was going to jump out and say, "Ha, you're on 'Watch this guy sit through two hour of ridiculousness and not leave.'" Well I should have left, but remember, I enjoy hating movies.

So Susie dies, and is now in between the limbo of life and death. I don't know who screwed this up or who gets the blame. I think the writers had an idea but some how the special effects people, understood something different, and the director just let it slide. But limbo was something like an old Beatles music video and "Baby Einstein." I kid you not, there was a scene where Susie was riding on a dog sled with a friend, being pulled by nothing but a Pug. First of all, I hate pugs. They are ugly and snarl. But this pug was pulling her through fields of flowers, and then off a cliff and into clouds. It may have been ok, but his acid trip seriously lasted for about ten minutes. The weirdest, craziest things were going on in this little dream world.

So, as for the rest of the movie, it was just bad. The character development from the beginning was all lost, because way too much time is spent in limbo and not in reality. I don't want to give away the ending, but it was bad. I felt like the diretor was tired one night, and needed to finish that night to make the deadline, and had no ideas left. There are various ends that aren't tied up. The older sister finds evidence of the man that murdered her, but she isn't sure if she should give it to her parents. She decides to do it, but nothing happens! They don't turn it in or anything, and the man runs free. Are you serious?

Anyway, this movie is worth watching just for the 10 minute acid trip. Also, in limbo, Suzie makes a friend that has some of the most ridiculous lines I've ever heard. I would probably watch the movie again just to hear those.

There you have it. I saw the movie like a month ago, so it's not too fresh. As for grading...I will use two grading systems. As for just an all around good movie, I give it a D+. But if you are one of those that like to laugh at movies that aren't trying to be funny, I would give it a B+. Definitely funny.


  1. this is great. even though dennis+ashley=the harshest movie critics in the world, i'm going to take this blog seriously. great idea you two have here. i don't know if i should see this movie just to get a good laugh or not see it because it sounds crazy. nevertheless, i'm looking forward to the next post.

  2. It's about time the movie blog was created!

  3. i tried to read this book! (and by "tried" i don't mean that things just came up so i never finished-i very intentionally stopped reading this book) based on 2/3's i read combined with your description of the movie, i'm thinkin' the screenwriters probably did a fantastic job. alright, your version does sound SLIGHTLY more over the top than the book; maybe they were trying to disguise the complete moral bankruptcy with even MORE flowers and dogs. the kinky extra-marital sex in hospital stairwell while dead child watches was about the final straw for me...